Char Clapp

How I Overcame Depression:

Problems 

Life for me was great.  I was young, about 15 years old, so I had the whole world ahead of me and I had absolutely no troubles, no fears, nothing.  Life was for living... 

I was a very sporty person; I used to play a lot of sport.  I started to play rugby league for a women’s team.  I was quite a good player.  I’d been brought up around footy all my life so it was a great passion for me.  When the opportunity came along to play I was very excited.  So I jumped on board and joined the team.  

I had 3 good seasons before I experienced my first bout of depression.  I had a serious knee injury which caused me to have major knee operations, knee reconstructions, about 11 procedures in 2 years.  It took me out of all sport for a long time, which for me was almost like taking away air.  It was devastating being so young and so into sport.  To take that away was crushing.  I couldn’t play sport any more and I went down hill from there.  I couldn’t train, I put on weight, I couldn’t run, I couldn’t do anything.  It was such a big part of my life, which was taken away from me.  It was awful, horrible; I just went down and down and down.  

I didn’t want to go to school, I just had no motivation.  When I was at school I looked forward to lunch time when I could play around.  I thought there’s no point in going so I started bunking school.  I started smoking cigarettes, I started to drink heavily during the week and at weekends going to big parties.  Being young I was invited to lots of places.  Drugs and alcohol were a big part of my life but they didn’t help my depression at all, physically or mentally.  At the time that was my way of dealing with it.  But it brought me down more and more. 

My parents started to get worried.  With all the drinking and smoking I actually started to lose weight, too much.  I was basically ruining my body.  Friends got involved.  I just didn’t care about life anymore. 

Solutions 

After I had a serious talk with my family, we’re all quite close, I saw the pain they were feeling so I decided I would go and see a doctor.  He put me on antidepressants.  I thought I won’t take these; I don’t need a pill to make me happy so I didn’t take them. I threw them away; I thought pills are not for me.  And I got worse and worse to the point where I did not get out of bed at all.  I lived in my room for weeks on end.  At the time I had a great partner.  He was very supportive.  He was, like if you don’t get in shape I’m going to leave you.  At the time I thought this dude meant the world to me.  So he was a big inspiration to me.  I thought OK I’m going to turn my life around.  So I started taking the antidepressants.  No side effects, I was very lucky.  That’s all I did actually.  I didn’t go to a counsellor or anything like that.  And my mood slowly picked up.  A couple of months later I was feeling a bit better.  I started walking to get fit, I started to enjoy that.  Things just slowly got better.  My mood picked up, I felt happier, I started going back to school.  I think taking the antidepressants I was able to focus a bit more.  I started to enjoy school subjects.  So about 8 months later I was back more or less to normal.  

Problems 

I was good for maybe a year and then I got pregnant with my son.  I was 19 then so I thought, cool, I’ve got something to look forward to.  I got engaged and life was kind of beaming.  I gave birth which didn’t go any way I’d planned it.  He was a quite a large baby and I ended up having an emergency caesarian.  He was 11 pound 9 so I’m glad that I did.  So that was an experience that I wasn’t prepared for.  Just after I’d turned 20 I started suffering from post-natal depression.  I was doing everything myself, I was still quite young.  I don’t know if I was ready to bring up a child and be so responsible for this little person.  So I sort of fell back into the old trap, I didn’t want to get up, just no motivation again.  

I got so bad I was suicidal.  I thought, I don’t want to be a Mum, I just don’t want to live anymore.  I couldn’t cope, that’s how I felt.  All this pressure was on me.  What was I going to do?  So I decided to kill myself, I was going to attempt to anyway.  I was going to drive my car into a power pole that’s how I was going to do it.  So I’d been drinking heavily and I was driving, driving and I thought I’ll do the next pole and then there were cars around and I thought I’d do the next one and then I was home.  I don’t know why I did that, I thought I can’t do it there, I didn’t want people to see me.  I freaked out; I thought I can’t believe I was going to do that.  I’ve got this little kid I’ve got to take responsibility for.  How’s it going to be if his mother is not around? 

Solutions 

So I went into my Dad’s bedroom, sat on the edge of the bed and said,  “Dad, can you help me?”  I had a cry.  He couldn’t believe I was feeling like that.  I told him what I’d just done and he was devastated but glad that I’d come to him.  Dad got me onto my GP.  They suggested the antidepressants again because they’d worked out so well last time.  I actually went to counselling and dealt with it that way.  It was the best move I could have done.  I was just angry.  I split from the father of my baby, that was another thing that brought me down.   I wanted to become the person that I was all those years ago and do what I’ve been brought into this world to do, to help people.  So I decided I was going to get motivated.   A big factor was my Dad, we’re pretty close, there’s only 20 years between us so he’s more like my best mate than my Dad.  I couldn’t bear the thought of him losing a child.  So that was a big factor and being a Mum.  Things happen for a reason, he’s here and he’s a gorgeous little boy. 

Consequences 

And I got well again.  Antidepressants and the counselling were amazing.  I got to talk through some of my issues and it really helped me.  So I decided I wanted to get back into the work force.  I told my counsellor and she found me a job, part time administration at the Mental Health Foundation.  That was great, they took me on for 6 months temporary and I ended up staying for two and a half years, which led to a job working for the Depression Support Network.  I’m completely recovered and now I’m helping others in similar positions to where I was.

Conclusions 

What have I learnt?  I think depression can affect anyone at any time.  It’s important not to judge people.  Just how important it is to talk to people if you’re seeing the signs or feeling alone.

You will recover; you will get through this with a bit of effort and time.  You need to accept help when it’s needed and not be ashamed to ask for help, acknowledge how you are feeling.  Medication is a personal choice but it definitely helped me.